kate’s blog

wil wheaton wrote this in the middle of his blog today, “the ratio of auditions to jobs is something like 20 : 1 for successful actors” and though i’ve always known the truth behind this statement, seeing the numbers laid out like that… well it gives a girl some reassurance. buuuuut it also gives a girl who isn’t currently auditioning enough some frustration. how do i get to the 1 when i am having trouble getting the other 19 under my belt?

sigh.

all’s well in the world of kate, don’t worry. i’m feeling good and ready for the world to hand me some challenge in the form of success. but seriously? some auditions this week would be AWEsome.

well, i have to say that the past week or so i have been struggling with the typical not-where-i-want-to-be-yet self-pity and bitterness trip of an actor struggling to stay true to the dream.  or heck, i guess of anyone who has a dream & is struggling to keep on keepin’ on.

at any rate, i was doing my morning pages today and just as i was setting pen to paper, my brilliant brain said, “hey. instead of griping and unloading, let’s think about all of the things we have to be grateful for and write THOSE down.”  after all, we get back the type of energy we put out, right? laws of physics and all that.  so that’s what i did. and you know what? even though i am still wishing things were happening and that i had reached a different level by now, i’m not so down and cranky about it all today.  i’m just doing the work and getting through the struggle and realizing how lucky i really am.

this all started on my walk last night, just me and the coyotes out around 1am (mom, it’s safe, don’t freak) tumbling around the foothills, burning off some pre-sleep energy.  i started thinking about a friend of ours that just got an amazing deal on a house in a very hip up-&-coming artists’ neighborhood. he got that amazing deal because some other poor family fell victim to the economic disaster which our country currently is… and defaulted on their mortgage. lost their house, their home.  now listen, i’m truly happy for our friend and his fiancee and their wonderful fortune. but i also thought about how lucky i am.  how lucky not to have assets, not to own a home, not to be under the weight of privilege.  yup, i’m damn poor, living paycheck to paycheck. and i have a day job that drives me nuts more often than not. but i’m not in debt. i have a job that keeps a roof over my head, and most importantly, i am still pursuing my dreams with all passion and faith in the outcome.

not bad.  not bad at all.